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(or: The Fangirl Within)
FANBOY or FANGIRL
Definition: A person obsessed with an element of video or electronic culture, such as a game, film, comic, music etc.
A person obsessed with any single subject, celebrity or hobby.
Yes, I’m a Fangirl and I’m not ashamed to admit it. I wear that badge with pride and it’s next to the one that says ‘Geek’. At the age of 32, I’m hardly a girl anymore but Fanwoman doesn’t have quite the same ring to it, does it? I’m old enough to know better. I have a wonderful boyfriend whom I live with and love dearly, yet there’s something in my brain that won’t allow me to let go of the 14 year old within. I have been known to make noises that only dogs can hear when shown new pictures of any of my obsessions. I surround my work desk with pictures, mugs, desktop wallpaper and screensaver all related to said obsessions. If anyone mentions any of them, my ears can immediately pinpoint their whereabouts in an office of nearly 2000 people. I will then track them down and demand that they become my best friend, all because they mentioned in passing that they happened to catch the last 10 minutes for an episode of Sherlock last week and quite liked it. I’m a woman possessed.
I have a lot to Fangirl about. My top 6 current Fangirl flail targets are as follows:
– Jeremy Renner
– Avengers Assemble
– Benedict Cumberbatch
– Sherlock
– Doctor Who
– Jon Richardson
These are the 6 that I will flail about the most, but I have others that have been with me for many a year:
– Take That
– Jeffrey Dean Morgan
– Joshua Jackson
– Angelina Jolie
– Vin Diesel
– Lara Croft
– Hawkeye
– Judge Dredd
As you can see, I have many, many things that I obsess about. I can be fangirling about at least 5 different things at any one time. A lot to keep up with, I think you’ll agree. And it takes up a lot of my time. It’s amazing how long I can sit in front of a computer screen on various social networking sites just flailing about a certain thing or person.
It’s expensive too. Once a certain obsession takes over, I must have EVERYTHING relating to it be it magazines, t-shirts, DVDs, albums, comics, YouTube videos, twitter accounts, EVERYTHING. And it ain’t cheap. Whilst most people work to have a nice car, nights out in town, dinner with friends, I work to afford the new DVD boxset, the next cosplay outfit or the latest version of an album. Some would say that at the age of 32 I should be more concerned about being able to afford a mortgage or a pension but I’m really not. I go to work every day in a fandom t-shirt, I drop Doctor Who references into conversation everyday whether anyone notices or not, and I get ridiculously overexcited to the point of almost wetting myself when a new TV series of something I love is announced.
Some may consider my behaviour abnormal. Others may laugh. I don’t care. I hold all my obsessions very close to my heart. I call them my babies and will defend them to the death.
It’s a strange feeling too. When it comes to a film or TV star say, The Cumberbeast, its not the same as when I was a hormonal, pubescent 14 year old that wanted Gary Barlow to come and whisk me away, marry me and let me have his babies. It would seem that the older I get, the more bizarre the feelings have begun. For example: I look at new pictures of Jeremy Renner and he makes me want to peel my own skin from my face. I want to cry. I want yell at him how much I hate him (which I clearly don’t), punch him in the face and then rip his clothes off and do unspeakable things to him, all at the same time. If it possible, it’s actually worse than being 14 again. At least I could blame that on hormones.
Along with all those feelings, what I actually want for these people more than anything is for them to be happy. If any of my obsessions get girlfriends or are married, then the Other Halves immediately come under my protective umbrella and whatever defensiveness I feel towards my charge extends to partners and spouses. If they’re both happy, then I’m happy. That couple then become my OTP*. Eg: Martin Freeman and Amanda Abbington. I NEVER had those feelings when I was a teenager. I would spend hours sulking if any of my celebrity crushes was seen out with anyone. Is it age that makes the desire for them to happy grow and jealousy diminish?
And where was the internet when I was in my teens? We had to wait for the next issue of Smash Hits magazine for our fix. Or, if it was band or singer you loved, then you had to wait patiently for The Chart Show on Saturday morning. There was no MTV unless you were lucky or rich enough to have a satellite dish. I remember we used to get a girl at my boarding school to tape things from MTV for us at the weekends when she went home so that we could watch it on Monday evenings. I still have some of those VHS tapes somewhere of very early Take That footage. If I was 14 now, I could have the whole world at my fingertips. Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr and YouTube all with up to the minute information, news and pictures. Entire websites devoted to the cause. I’m so jealous of those that are 14/15 years old now. You don’t know how good you’ve got it!
Has the internet deepened my Fangirl feelings? If all the information was not so readily available, would I be so deeply smitten? Or would it be worse if I had to wait for a weekly magazine or TV show? Is the internet to blame for my flailings?
So many questions. Whilst I’ve been writing this, more questions have popped into my head. And I want them all answered. I feel that this one little rambling of Fangirl musings may just become a whole lot more.
To be continued……….
* OTP = One True Pairing
Fish Custard 